30 Ways to Die by the Teen Titans' Hands
by starlily11
Summary: These will have you screaming, "It was SO worth it!" with your last breath. Do not actually do said things unless you have a death wish...you've been warned.
1. Chapter 1

**30 Ways To Die by the Teen Titans' Hands**

1. Take Raven's book and hide it.

2. Ask Robin if he knows Slade's underwear size, since, you know…

3. Replace Beast Boy's tofu with extra-large T-bones.

4. Steal Robin's hair gel and replace it with super glue.

5. Set up a blind date between Kid Flash and Starfire…without telling Robin or Jinx…

6. Let Beast Boy make all three meals for a day.

7. Let Beast Boy do the grocery shopping…

8. Walk around with the mark of Trigon on your forehead…

9. Kidnap Silky.

10. Go into Raven's room and rearrange the furniture.

11. Crash Cyborg's car.

12. The next time Robin and Slade fight, show up eating popcorn and ask when they're going to tell each other how they _really_ feel…

13. Set Raven up on a blind date with Mumbo Jumbo without telling either of them…

14. Paint Cyborg's car pink.

15. Hide the remote and when Cyborg and Beast Boy ask where it is, look embarrassed and mumble that you thought it was a candy bar…

16. Steal Robin's weapons and uniform, then tell him that Starfire left him for Mad Mod.

17. Alphabetize Beast Boy's video games and music.

18. Start singing the "My Little Pony" theme song at the top of your lungs when they try to infiltrate the Hive.

19. Crash the Tower computer.

20. Imply a familial resemblance between Robin and Slade.

21. Hide somewhere in the Tower and mimic Brother Blood and/or Slade.

22. Set up Jinx and Cyborg on a blind date without telling Bumblebee or Kid Flash…

23. Cause Cyborg's systems to crash _again_…

24. Ask Raven if she misses her dad.

25. Kidnap Starfire.

26. Steal Beast Boy's video games and scatter them throughout the Tower.

27. Hide all of Raven's books.

28. Tell a PMSing Starfire she looks fat in her outfit.

29. Ask Robin how living a life without a strong father figure has affected his development.

30. Use Photoshop to create a suggestive photo of Gizmo and Starfire, then make insinuating comments…

Your last words… "It was SO worth it!"


	2. 30 More Ways to Die

**30 More Ways to Die by the Teen Titans' Hands**

**AN: **Due to requests for more insane ways to get yourself killed by the Teen Titans, my partner in crime, Star1412, and I bring you this…

Tell Larry about "The Game".

Teach Beast Boy how to play Mao.

Introduce them to Rhythm Heaven…the results should be extremely entertaining.

Tell Starfire about Bloody Mary…

Offer Robin a prescription for Viagra.

Repeat number 5 with Beast Boy and Cyborg…

Convince Larry to bridge the gap between Sailor Moon's world and Teen Titans, then sit back and watch the results with a large, heavily buttered tub of popcorn.

Try to teach Starfire how to make chocolate chip cookies.

Repeat number 8 with Raven.

Introduce them to Generation 3.5 of My Little Pony.

Get Beast Boy to read the Hunger Games…

Ask Raven how to summon a demon. For enhanced results, specify that the demon you're trying to summon is Trigon.

Let Starfire watch all of the "Harry Potter" movies and leave Robin to explain that, no, Hogwarts does not exist.

As a wake-up call, get on the loud speaker and imitate Mad Mod…"Good morning, my duckies!"

Stand around and narrate everything they do in the form of song…back up with dance moves when appropriate.

Talk about yourself in the third person enough that Beast Boy starts doing it.

Give Robin a new cell phone with Slade on speed dial.

Introduce Starfire to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Introduce Starfire to TV Tropes…

Take Raven to Build-A-Bear.

Confront one of them, saying, "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father…prepare to die."

Show Starfire "The Princess Bride".

Tell Robin that he's like a less cool version of Zorro.

Let Starfire bet at horse races…

Trick Raven into turning Robin into an infant…

Teach Starfire "Henry the Eighth I Am", and just wait for it…

Steal all of Robin's clothes and replace them with camouflage. For enhanced results, follow this up with a suggestion that he get a buzz cut.

Attempt to teach Beast Boy history.

Hide all the movies in the Tower and only leave the High School Musical DVDs.

Show them this list.


	3. Yet Another 30 Ways

**30 Ways To Die by the Teen Titans' Hands**

**Part Three**

Introduce Larry to the Cutie Mark Crusaders and encourage him to visit Titan Tower VERY often.

Introduce Starfire to _Phineas and Ferb_. Hide a brown fedora somewhere in Silky's vicinity.

Sneak into Raven's room and redecorate it according to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Introduce Beast Boy to Sherlock from _Sherlock._

Try to convince Raven to take Ballet Lessons.

Try to convince Cyborg that Marching Band is a sport.

Hide Silky, then starting boiling a piece of beef whilst making somewhat insinuating comments.

Let Starfire watch _Higurashi (When they Cry)_. It'll scar her for life.

Paint a baby seal green, bring it to the Tower, and tell Beast Boy it's his. Let him freak out for a few days for the best results.

Start tossing a color guard rifle inside the Tower. 'Accidentally' dent Cyborg's car.

Around midnight, run into Robin or Raven's room screaming "TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!".

Start singing 'My Eyes' from _Dr. Horrible. _For best results, emphasize the words talking about evil or throwing poison in the water main.

Sneak around in an obnoxious manner, humming Perry the Platypus' theme song. Extra points if Starfire still hasn't figured out that Silky's not an agent yet.

Lace all of the Titans' food with Da Bomb: The Final Answer hot sauce. It just might fry Cyborg's circuits, and possibly cause Raven's powers to spin out of control.

Convince Larry to bridge the gap between the Titans' world and that of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Unleash Discord on Jump City.

Try to pull a Sherlock and analyze Robin. Fail. Miserably.

Send baby pictures of Robin to Slade and every other villain the Titans have fought.

For enhanced results on number seventeen, ask Slade to make a video of said pictures and do a commentary.

Try to force Beast Boy to read Joseph Conrad's _Heart of Darkness. _It's the most abominably boring book in the history of boring books.

Let Starfire try to sing _Think of Me _from _Phantom of the Opera._ You can also try any other Broadway song.

Ask Beast Boy to carefully track three stocks and one mutual fund for six months…and make spreadsheets for all of them.

Introduce all of them to the 60's live action _Batman._

Show all of them the _Mystery Science 3000. _Leave Robin to explain all the dirty jokes to Starfire.

Show Beast Boy the parody video _I Peel You, Banana. _Make sure he's always singing it within earshot of Raven.

Try to get Beast Boy to help you with your Pre-Calculus homework.

Give Starfire one of those baby dolls you can get from any Child Development classroom. Make sure it's a crier.

Sing a part of Mozart's _Requiem _every time they go to battle. EVERY TIME. For best results, sing the _Dies Irae _portion.

Scream bloody murder at the highest pitch you can every time someone mentions Slade. It'll make everyone's ears hurt and get them all royally pissed at you.

Having convinced Starfire to read the _Harry Potter_ books, convince her that Voldemort's name is actually 'Moldyshorts'. Leave Robin to straighten that out. Again.

Give Starfire a Webkinz.


End file.
